There is no love lost between Tommy Lasorda and the Phillie Phanatic. It is well documented that Lasorda took exception to being run over (in effigy, not real life) by the Phanatic on his ATV. But why would a creature as lovable as the Phanatic
resort to such violence?
An unnamed source has recently provided the background information leading up to this heinous act. Recall that prior to the Dodgers’ move to Los Angeles, they were based in Brooklyn.
And long before the Phanatic was a gleam in his mother Phoebe’s eye,
she had, during her rebellious younger days, taken a “girls only” trip from her home in the Galapagos Islands to, of all places, Brooklyn.
While there, she and her friends met the young Lasorda.
Phoebe and Tommy hit it off, and, well, things happened.
Since the gestational period of the phanaticus species lasts several years, Lasorda and the Dodgers had already moved to California by the time Phoebe gave up the illegitimate child for adoption.
After this, Phoebe settled down, and many years later, the Phanatic was born. Phoebe was able to keep her secret for awhile, but eventually the Phanatic learned the truth. When he did, he was so mad he turned completely red!
Then, the next time the Dodgers visited Philadelphia, the Phanatic showed Tommy how he really felt. The Phanatic was almost arrested,
but thankfully the charges were dropped.
So what had gotten the Phanatic’s knickers in a twist? Not only the fact that his mom and Tommy Lasorda had had an illegitimate love child, but that he now had a half-brother that he not only knew already, but did not get along with very well. For the result of this unholy union was none other than
Mr. Met! The Phanatic’s least favorite mascot!
Tommy, or should I say Mr. Lasorda, in the infinitesimally small chance that you are actually reading this, please look at the calendar before you get your knickers in a twist!
(first Phanatic photo and Mr. Met photo mine; red Phanatic from delawareonline.com; Phoebe from shop.mlb.com; Phanatic mugshot from brotherlylovehate.com)