At Least They’re Not Prima Donnas

Game 1 of the World Series is tonight, but even though my foul mood cloud has finally dissipated, I’m not watching it. Frankly, I don’t really care who wins, though if pressed to choose, I would probably prefer the Rangers.

Instead, I’ve been searching the internet for entertaining tidbits to share with you. Did you know that the comments section of MLB.com articles can be a treasure trove of amusement?

I found this particular comment in response to a column of Phillies news regarding, among other things, Utley’s subpar season and Rollins’ declining numbers. I’ll have to assume that the author is probably a Phillies fan, though they seem not to think much of the majority of the team, and apparently don’t believe in capitalization.:

pre madonnas copy.jpg

According to 420philly, the Phillies are a “bunch of pre madonnas”.

Aha! No wonder we got beat in the NLCS – we need to let this team of “pre madonnas” mature into full-fledged Madonnas.

But which Madonna?

Are we talking about the Material Girl?

madonna.jpgOr the Spiritual Girl?

Madonna_and_Child edit.jpgAnd which one would be the better ballplayer?

We Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Programming To Bring You This Important Announcement

bad mood cloud.jpgA system of severe foul humor that has stalled in the southeastern region of Pennsylvania is currently intensifying. Due to the increasing threat of frequent outbursts of vitriol, this blog entry is postponed until further notice.

***UPDATED FORECAST: The latest data show the system weakening slightly, and moving away from the Philadelphia region. However, there is a chance the system may re-intensify over the weekend. Be on the alert!***

 

[I couldn’t find a web image that conveyed the look I had in mind, so I had to draw my own. Admittedly, this borrows heavily from Jim Benton’s Franny K. Stein character.]

Bad Mood Alert!

Watch out world, I’m not too happy at the moment.

This, of course, is the result of the Phillies lackluster effort against the Giants yesterday. Once again, their bats failed to come to life, as they were shut out 3-0.

What is going on?

One possible explanation: they were lulled to sleep by the most totally un-stirring, un-inspiring, un-energetic performance of the National Anthem that I have ever heard.

I often wonder who chooses the anthem performers for the playoff games. You would think they might try to find someone with ties to the city where the game is being played. San Francisco has a rich musical history – Santana, Journey, Steve Miller, Train, I’d even take Huey Lewis.

But we get someone named Ben Gibbard, of the band Death Cab for Cutie. They are from Seattle, and Gibbard is a self-proclaimed Mariners fan. They couldn’t at least find a Giants fan?

[tangential thought: I know there are some wacky band names out there, but this one stumps me. Who is Cutie? And why is she taking a “death cab”? Is it like the Cash Cab, but if you answer wrong you die?]

So maybe this was all part of the Giants strategy, because the result was this:

sleeping bats copy.jpg

No offense!!!!!

My mood was not helped when rodeo clown wannabe, um, evil elf Cody Ross knocked in the first run of the game for the Giants. Replays showed the pitch was not down and on the inside half of the plate, like the three homers he’s hit so far off Phillies pitchers, but low and away. So how does he manage to pull that pitch and line it into left field?

There’s only one logical answer: someone has been dealing with the devil.

demon spawn.jpg[OK, probably not, but it was fun to deface his picture. I feel a little better now.]

Random NLCS Thoughts (so far)

Games 1 and 2 of the NLCS are in the books, and the Phillies earned a split with the Giants. I’m not going to throw out a lot of stats, or bore you with yet another recap. That’s all available out there in plenty of places. Now, it’s time for my first batch of random thoughts.

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Giants catcher Buster Posey bears an uncanny resemblance to one of my neighbors. I’d post pictures here to prove it, but I don’t have a picture of said neighbor available. In fact, I just checked his Facebook profile, and he appears to have replaced it with a picture of Posey! Then again, it’s hard to tell the difference.

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Cody Ross, otherwise known as my least-favorite Marlin, has hit three (!) home runs so far in this series. Let’s see, Ross is with his fifth major-league team in seven seasons, and the Marlins apparently thought so highly of him that they released him in August, whence the Giants picked him up on a waiver claim. Somehow, he has turned into a post-season hitting machine, hitting .350 so far with 4 home runs and 6 RBI.

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Speaking of Ross (though I’d rather not), it looks like he has jumped on the “Fear the Beard” bandwagon, sprouting some facial hair that was not there when he was with the Marlins. In fact, his clean-shaven self always reminded me of an elf.

codyrosself.jpgProbably a South Pole elf. πŸ™‚ 

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While we’re on the subject of beards, thanks to the wonderful technology of high-def close ups, I can confirm that it would be physically impossible for Tim Lincecum to grow one, since he appears to have approximately three facial hairs in total.

no facial hair.jpg

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Prior to last night, Jimmy Rollins had not had much success at the plate this postseason, with just one hit in the divisional series against the Reds. His first “hit” of the NLCS came when the Giants infield forgot how to call for a pop-up, and the ball dropped safely in the midst of Mike Fontenot, Jonathan Sanchez, Aubrey Huff, and Buster Posey.

I don't got it.jpgI’m always amused when highly-paid professionals mess up a basic part of the game that even 10-year-olds are expected to execute unless, of course, it is my team that is messing up. πŸ˜‰

Later in the game, Jimmy atoned for his lack of production by smacking a bases-loaded, three-run double to bust the game open. πŸ™‚

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Ryan Howard caused quite a stir among the Phaithful when he was spotted at Sunday afternoon’s Eagles game. Shouldn’t he have been preparing for that night’s baseball game, perhaps watching film or taking some extra swings in the cage? It’s not like he was ripping the cover off the ball in Game 1, and he would be going up against a tough lefty in Sanchez, against whom he has not had much success in the past.

howard eagles.jpgIf he had looked as pitiful as he had in Game 1, he would have had some explaining to do. On the contrary, Howard had two hits off Sanchez (a single and double), as well as a key walk in the first inning. Maybe Howard should go to a few more football games this postseason. πŸ™‚

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Poor Andres Torres! He struck out four times against Roy Oswalt last night, earing the dreaded Golden Sombrero:

golden sombrero.jpgDo I feel bad for him? No, not really.

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No game tonight, as it’s an off day as the series moves west to San Francisco for Game 3.

Let’s go, Phillies!

It Must Be A Sign!

With Game 1 of the NLCS just hours away, I fetched my mail from the mailbox and flipped through my newly arrived issue of Rolling Stone. This photo caught my eye:

rs omen.jpg
He’s wearing a Phillies shirt!

And then I read the caption – the photo was taken in San Francisco!

I’m not really a fan of the Kings of Leon, and the picture is from 2003, but I’d like to think of it as a happy coincidence. An omen, if you will, that the Phillies will prevail!

Ewww!

While trying to keep myself amused during the interminable wait until the start of the NLCS on Saturday, I came across this little tidbit online

Huff’s underwear providing inspiration

SAN FRANCISCO — With the playoffs now in full swing, it’s only fitting the Giants’ most valuable article of clothing gets its just due on the national stage.

Welcome to the big show, Aubrey Huff’s rally thong.

Since Aug. 30, the Giants first baseman has worn a red thong in hopes of rallying San Francisco to its first postseason appearance in seven years. When Huff first graced the clubhouse with his thong’s presence, the Giants were 72-59 and six games behind first-place San Diego in the National League West.

Huff predicted the Giants would go 20-10 with the rally thong and, wouldn’t you know it, that’s exactly how they finished the season en route to being crowned division champs.

After a run like that, Huff’s thong isn’t going anywhere.

“It’s just something to kind of loosen the guys up when it started, and it turned out to be kind of a nice run,” Huff said before Friday’s Game 2. “I couldn’t stop and I’m wearing it right now, if you’re interested. Kinda get used to it. You know what I’m saying?”

He’s been wearing a thong?

Well, let’s just file this one under “Things I Wish I Didn’t Know”. I’m still trying to rid my mind of the unpleasant images this has conjured up:

man thong.jpg

I’m now about to veer dangerously close to “Too Much Information” territory, but personally I don’t see how this can possibly be comfortable while playing baseball. In my opinion, thongs aren’t even comfortable while standing still, let alone running or batting. It’s total butt floss! And how could a thong possibly provide enough, uh, “coverage” for a man?

And it’s red! Hey Aubrey, red = Phillies!

Hmm, Aubrey is one of those unisex names; maybe he’s a little confused? Or he wants to make sure he doesn’t have any visible panty/brief lines during the game. πŸ™‚

Wonder if he uses SisqΓ³’s “Thong Song” as his at-bat music?

 

[for the record, I do NOT know the man in the photo – this is a random dude in a pic I found doing a Google search]