Go ahead and fill in the blank with whichever word you prefer which best expresses your feelings about the Phillies’ 1-3 start. 😉
PNC Park = House of Horrors
Why, oh why, is PNC Park such a House of Horrors for the Phillies? After Doc’s gem gave the Phils an Opening Day win over the Pirates, they proceeded to drop the next two contests in painful fashion by giving up the winning run in the final frame. Since its opening in 2001, the Phillies are a paltry 14-24 in that venue, which is one of their worst records in any road park (if not THE worst).
Yet it looks so nice. And this is the Pirates they’re sucking against – they of the 19 straight losing seasons. Again, what the …? Chalk it up as one of life’s mysteries.
Who’s On First, Indeed?
Last Thursday, the Philadelphia Inquirer published a Phillies Preview under this banner:
An apt question, since the Phillies have used four different first basemen in the first four games – Ty Wigginton, Laynce Nix, Jim Thome, and John Mayberry, Jr. Hopefully as the season progresses, some sort of continuity will be established, rather than the current revolving door approach.
Ryan Howard, pamper that Achilles and hurry back!
I have a feeling I’ll be using this image frequently this season, or at least in the early going, until Chase Utley and the aforementioned Ryan Howard are back in the lineup.
Currently the Phillies have a collective .198 batting average, ranking them 24th of the 30 major league teams. Yes, it’s only been four games, and yes it’s early in the season, but the Phillies need to start hitting more, and sooner rather than later, or it’s going to be a mighty long season if they dig themselves too big a hole already.
Since the theme for last week’s annual Philadelphia International Flower Show was “Hawaii – Islands of Aloha”, it seems only natural that there was a Phillie-themed display inspired by Shane Victorino:
The display, entitled “The Phillies’ Flyin’ Hawaiian”, won an award for outstanding blue ribbon winner in the mailbox classes for the Garden Club of Philadelphia.
It also got me even more impatient for the start of Games That Matter. Spring training games are great if you’re there in person, but watching them on TV just doesn’t cut it for me. Bring on the season!
In case you missed it earlier this week, a minor kerfuffle arose in the Boston media when the Dropkick Murphys stated that Jonathan Papelbon was no longer welcome to use their song “Shipping Up To Boston” as his entrance music. Later in the week, Papelbon announced that he hadn’t been planning to use that song anyway.
Why would he? It wouldn’t make a whole lot of sense to use a song with Boston in the title when he’s pitching for Philadelphia, now would it? Papelbon apparently already has a song in mind, but isn’t saying what it is.
So what would be a good song? If he wanted to stay with the city-of-employment theme, the pickings are pretty slim when it comes to songs with Philadelphia in the title.
There’s Bruce Springsteen’s “Streets of Philadelphia”:
A little too mellow. He needs something more upbeat, maybe Elton John’s “Philadelphia Freedom”:
Nah. Too disco-y. Don’t know about you, but Elton John performing on “Soul Train” just seems like a really odd combo.
Speaking of “Soul Train”, how about a song that was once the “Soul Train” theme? Here’s “T.S.O.P. (The Sound of Philadelphia)”:
Way too disco-y. J-Pap might be tempted to do The Hustle on his way in from the bullpen (not a sight I want to see).
On the other hand, so many closer songs all sound similar – AC/DC, Metallica, etc. If we widen our titular horizons (and no, that’s not a naughty word!) to Pennsylvania in general, we could go for a Big Band sound with Glenn Miller’s “Pennsylvania 6-5000”:
Or for something really different, how about “The Pennsylvania Polka”, from America’s Polka King, Frankie Yankovic:
In case you were wondering, he is not related to Weird Al.
One song that would definitely NOT be a good choice, “Bad Nite In Philly”, from Philly’s own Public Service?!:
Certainly not a good idea for the closer’s song to foreshadow a blown save. For the amount he’s being paid, Pap better not have any “bad nites” in Philly. 😉
So what to choose? Well, Papelbon does say that it will probably be a hard rock song. He also has that whole “Cinco Ocho”, alter ego kind of thing going on, so how about “21st Century Schizoid Man” (here the original by King Crimson, also covered by April Wine and Ozzy Osbourne):
Once again, it’s that time of year when I stoop to objectifying the male posterior in order to provide entertainment for my female readers (see here and here for last year’s installments of eye candy).
While scouring my meager stash of photos from this past season for the ideal buns, I recalled the Baked Goods Rating Scale, hereafter referred to as the BGRS. The BGRS was devised by a very good friend who shall remain nameless (just in case she doesn’t want her name linked in public to my admittedly juvenile undertaking). I hope I’m remembering it correctly.
The BGRS ranges from Crumbs….
…all the way to Kaiser Rolls (with Pancakes, Biscuits, and Buns in between).
[OK, men, the pictures of food are over, so if you want to stop reading now, that’s fine.]
I’m happy to report that most of the Phillies fall within the ideal Biscuit/Bun range, with only one veering dangerously close to Pancake territory.
See if you can identify this baker’s dozen of buns:
Just in case you were wondering, no, I don’t stalk the players around with my big lens. 🙂 These are cropped from normal pictures that I took from my seat.
So how many do you know? Let me know in the comments section!
Last year, we had one of those page-a-day calendars, chock full of Phillies trivia, sitting on the windowsill above our kitchen sink. I think somebody had given it to us as a Christmas gift the previous year.
During periods of time when things get busy and hectic, I tend to forget to rip off the pages each day, and end up with a backlog of a week or two to tear off all at once. And so it was at the end of December, what with the holidays and the related holiday shopping, decorating, eating, etc. Still, I would read each page as I tore it off to catch up, hoping to fill my mind with yet more useless knowledge.
And there, on the page for December 15, I found this:
Huh??? Well, the answer is right, but the question is all wrong!
Obviously, the people who wrote the questions for the calendar were not Phillies fans, or they would have known that Eric Hinske struck out swinging to end any hopes the Rays had in 2008. The last time Carl Crawford had been anywhere near the plate was in the top of the 8th, when he led off with a single.
So how do they mess this stuff up? It’s not some obscure thing from the dawn of time, er, the 1900’s. It was only three years prior. Now I’m wondering about the veracity of the information for the other 364 days of the year. Thankfully, no one gave us one of these for this year, so my mind will not be led astray with misinformation.
Then again, mistakes like this provide more grist for this blog. 🙂
As expected, Jimmy Rollins became a free agent on Sunday, along with fellow Phillies Ross Gload, Raul Ibanez, Brad Lidge, Ryan Madson, Roy Oswalt, and Brian Schneider. The Phillies are in discussions with Rollins’ agent, but it may be tough to reach an agreement that gives him what he’s looking for:
Yep, according to the Philadelphia Inquirer, he’s not a seeking a five-year contract, but a five-year contact.
I’ve heard of extended wear contacts, but they seem to top out at 30 days, making 5 years seem a bit extreme.
Good luck with that one, Jimmy! 😉
Family-friendly words, that is. Words that are unfit for public viewing, that would scorch your retinas, are definitely NOT failing me at the moment – not last night, and not today.
They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so I will have to rely on my handy alter-ego from last year’s NLCS disaster to convey my true feelings about last night’s display of utter crapitude: