In my last post, I threatened to inflict Hairy Eaps upon Brad Lidge by using my typographically challenged voodoo doll, unless he straightened himself out and stopped blowing saves.
Well, since then, he is two-for-two in save opportunities, with nary a baserunner allowed.
The threat worked!
So I got to thinking, maybe the threat of Hinnis Eebow would be enough to kick-start the Phillies’ recently anemic offense.
And in fact, since voicing this thought at dinnertime (when the Phils were losing 1-0 to the Giants), they have managed to eke out two runs.
OK, it’s a start. How about adding a few more? You don’t want to know what else the doll can give you!
[post-game update: make that three-for-three for Brad, though this time he allowed a single and a walk, and two (!) stolen bases, while saving the 2-1 victory for the Phillies]
uhjypotr5 78n mjhopl0ltrf5po[-0er3w
What you see above is what happens when you actually do this:
There! Just for the record, no foreheads were actually injured during this little experiment.
Now, Brad Lidge, even though I know you’re not reading this, I feel I must vent my frustrations with you.
Note to Brad:
Just because the other team’s closer blows a save in the top of the ninth, doesn’t mean you have to copy him and do the same in the bottom of the ninth! Remember, nobody likes a copycat!
I really don’t want to have to decapitate your bobblehead, like Jenn suggested in a recent post.
But Brad, this is now your ninth blown save of the season!! I know it’s a bit unrealistic of us to expect perfection two years in a row, but nine is a new career high (or should I say “low”) for you.
Please stop it right this instant, or I shall have to resort to drastic measures! Keep in mind, I own a voodoo doll (typographically challenged, but never mind).
You wouldn’t want to wake up tomorrow with a nasty case of Hairy Eaps or Importenci, would you?
After sweeping a short two-game set with the Cardinals by posting a 10-7 win last night, the Phillies head east to New York for another two-game set against the Mets.
Ugh, the Mets.
While I don’t like to use the word “hate,” let’s just say that I “strongly dislike” the Mets.
Why? Just because. Because they’re the Mets. Because they’re annoying. Because I can.
1) Jose Reyes
I can’t put into words exactly why, but I find him to be truly annoying. He even tried to jump out of the frame, just to ruin my picture:
2) David Wright’s shoes
I don’t think he actually wears this particular style anymore, but they remind me of the spats I had to wear in my high school’s marching band:
3) Premature proclamations of grandeur
On August 12, 2007 I made a foray into Enemy Territory to visit Shea Stadium as part of the stadium quest. The Phillies weren’t even there that day; the Mets were hosting the Marlins. Anyway, we bought drinks in these souvenir cups:
See what they say around the bottom? “Your season has come.” I have one word for that: NOT!
Granted, at the time the Mets were 3 games up on the second-place Phillies, and would get as much as 7 games up as late as September 12. But we all know what happened after that.
[Hmm, September 12 just happens to be my birthday. Coincidence?]
4) Blue and orange
It’s just not a good color combination. Not at all.
5) The new Citi Field logo
Even Mets fans have pointed out that it resembles the Domino’s Pizza logo:
6) Mr. Met
An obvious derivative of Cincinnati’s Mr. Red. Mr. Red has been around since 1955, Mr. Met only since 1962.
An interesting side note: according to reds.com, Mr. Red is now “retired” and was spending time in Sarasota in 2008. This would explain why we ran into him during a Florida State League game in Clearwater last year:
7) The Home Run Apple
Shea’s Apple was starting to look pretty beat up:
so a brand spankin’ new, bigger, heavier, shinier Apple has been constructed for Citi Field:
Since the appearance of the Apple means that a Met has hit a home run, I am asking the Phillies to please, please take a (metaphoric) bite out of the apple, and keep it from raising its shiny little leaf into my view!
Alas, Chan Ho Park is taking the mound for the Phils tonight, while the Mets are countering with Johan Santana. Logically, this does not look good for the Phillies. But maybe I can use my typographically-challenged voodoo doll, and give Santana a nasty case of “atmlltes foot”!
Jose Reyes, David Wright, cups, Mr. Met, old apple, and voodoo doll are all by me;
Mr. Red by my 7-year-old daughter (her first credit!);
new apple by Wenig/AP
What is going on here? I’m beginning to think someone is using one of these on Cole Hamels:
Either that, or it’s the *gasp!* SI cover curse.
First it was the sore elbow in Spring Training, then he was hit by a liner off the bat of Prince Fielder last week, forcing him from the game. Last night, he turned his ankle while fielding a bunt by Washington pitcher John Lannan, and again had to leave the game. Just when he was starting to look like the Hamels of last October, too – pitching 4 1/3 scoreless innings with 4 hits and 4 strikeouts. His velocity and control were back last night, as well.
Fortunately, x-rays were negative and the injury was deemed a “mild sprain.” With tomorrow’s off day, there will be an additional day between starts, so the team is optimistic that he will not have to miss a start.
The Phillies won the game, 7-1, with Chase Utley hitting two home runs, and Pedro Feliz and Raul Ibanez each adding a homer as well.
Back to that voodoo doll. If some evil person out there (probably a Mets fan) is using one on Cole, they obviously have a better doll than I do. For example, if I wanted to give, say, Johan Santana a sore elbow before his start today, all I’d succeed in giving him would be this:
If I wanted to sully the image of Grady Sizemore or Jacoby Ellsbury, to the consternation of many of the female bloggers, I could try to give them hairy ears, but end up giving them this:
Or if I wanted to attack Manny’s manhood, I’d have somewhat the opposite effect:
For the record, I bought this doll many years ago in the BK days, while strolling through the French Market in New Orleans. If you’ve never been there, the French Market is a sort of open-air farmer’s market/flea market. Of course, I decided I needed a voodoo doll (doesn’t everyone who visits New Orleans buy one?) but obviously didn’t look at it too carefully. It wasn’t until later that I noticed it was filled with typographical errors. I guess there was not a lot of proofreading or quality control going on where this was made.
As I promised in yesterday’s comments, here is the other “fishy” picture of the Marlins, taken mere moments before Cody Ross gazed lovingly at his hands.
Note how the other players are dutifully stretching, while Dan Uggla is doing Lord-knows-what to Ross’s butt. Something needed adjusting? Was there a little TP hanging out? I’m just going to stop right now.
(all photos (except SI cover, obviously) by me)